With David's 4th deployment coming very soon, I thought I would go ahead and get started on my daily thought process that takes place during a deployment for me.
So this is our 4th deployment together, yes 4!! His first deployment was the worst one by far. That was back in 2002-2003 and there wasn't alot of communication other than letters. I missed his voice, his smell, and his touch! Letters weren't enough but they made the time fly by since I could read them over and over. David's second deployment, we added a baby girl into the mix. That was hard on both of us, him leaving and me being a new mom by myself. Thankfully I had the help of family to get me thru all of it. The next deployment, we added yet anther baby girl into it. Only this time, she was only 3 months old when Daddy left. That deployment was the easiest for me, when knowing what to expect and how to cope and deal with things that came up. I still had times where I wanted to cry and thought that I couldn't do it anymore, but you know what....I do it. And everything turned out just fine.
So now here we are starting to get ready for the 4th time of major separation again. We have two girls, who both are old enough and fully understand what is about to happen to our little family. It worries me that they will resent Daddy for leaving for such a long time or even worse that they wont even care. Since I've grown used to him leaving and me being here by myself with the kids, I don't show emotion when it comes to deployment or separation they way most would. I put on the brave face and hide everything until I'm alone. What if the girls pick up on that indifference that helps me make it thru another day of losing my husband for a year and take it as Mommy doesn't care so it's ok for me not to.
With so many things coming up in the next couple of weeks, my mind is going to be racing. As always to continuous: Will he be ok? Will he make it back home? How are the girls going to handle this? How am I going to handle this? What's in store my family? When will this end? When will he be able to be home with us for more than 2 years at a time? When will he stop missing birthdays/holidays/school events etc because of his service to our country?
Even with all these questions and more going thru my mind....I am still one of the biggest military supporters you will find. I fully support David in any decision he makes and will stand beside him at all times. Please don't take my feelings of missing him or the worry about my children in a way that means I wish he didn't serve in the military. What David and every other military member does along with their families and their struggles, inspire me to face another day of this life and make the most of it. The military has so much to offer, I'm grateful that we a part of this life so we can take advantage of it; seeing the world, resources at our finger tips when needed, support system in place that understands what you going thru, medical, housing,...list goes on and on!
In the end, when I look at everything....Me being without my husband for a short while is well worth it compared to everything that is given to us in return. He will be missed dearly but I know in my heart we will be together again.
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